At a 12 Stages of Healing Workshop, which I assisted on recently, I was churned up by recollection of an event that happened sixty years ago. I remember standing in a rugby paddock in England, with my dad, who was chairman of the club, and my brothers. I was five years old and there was a sea of big hairy rugby players all around me.

After the match, I needed to go to the toilet. In a small country village, there were no toilets and I really needed to go. I remember telling my twin brother and he said something like, “Well you will just have to hold on.” And I remember standing there, my entire body clenched to try and hold in the ablution that so needed to be released. I was only five and I had the accident and had to walk home with pooh in my pants feeling so embarrassed and praying no one was noticing. I don’t remember what happened when I got home. My mum worked on weekends and I can’t remember if she was home or not. But in that workshop, this memory was as clear as though it happened yesterday.

The realisation that jumped in for me after that workshop was that I had been holding it in for my whole life! In a very male-dominant family with a strict father, I did not speak up as I usually got into trouble if I did.

On reflection, I remember that there was a bag of my knickers hanging on a door handle behind the teacher’s desk in my first year at school. I was too shy to ask to go to the toilet so I had accidents. They sat me next to my twin so I could nudge him and he could ask for me to be excused. I also remember my Mum taking us to church as my Dad often ran the services with the vicar. He was a lay preacher and often assisted with communion and weekly services. Churches did not have toilets in those days and I recall that Mum always said before we left home, “Have you been to the toilet?” And I would say “Yes”. No sooner did we get inside the cold, lofty, drafty, church and I would need a wee.  My mum would be annoyed that we would have to tiptoe out of the church and I would squat among the gravestones to release a stress that was never recognised.

When I had my car accident a few weeks ago, I was so angry at myself because it was all my fault. So I went to my healing space, lay down and did TRE (Trauma Release Experience). I tremored and shook quite violently and then the tears came. The pent-up anger and frustration, not just because of the car accident but because I realised that my life was lacking direction and no one was there to support me or offer a comforting word. So I totally released and turned it around in those moments of shaking.

My workload increased so that I could cover the car hire. I manifested, (totally out of the blue) enough money, for flights, accommodation, and the fee for a workshop with Donald Epstein, the creator of the Network Chiropractic work I have been involved with since 2008. He is teaching the 12 Stages of Healing, an evolution of the 12 Stages (SRI) that I have been learning and practising all year. I’m so excited to be meeting this man and sitting in the experience of the expansion of this work.

I released my stuckness and my feeling of powerlessness after the accident (no car, no work, no money) with a simple TRE session. Instantly I created purpose, more income and a gift of abundance from the heavens. Would that have happened if I had not smashed my car?  I certainly would not have received the growth! The car accident happened three days after the 12 Stages of Healing Workshop. Where I saw I was unable to let go in my life.

In this past month, I have let go big time. And life is in full swing for me again.

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